A Brief Encounter

Yesterday, I ran into Wally at the DFAC/Kitchen. It was so good to see my dear friend. I wonder if he knows how I feel about him. He feels like a kindred spirit to me, like I have known him for a long, long time. For what ever reason, I trust him deeply. He is about to sew on Technical Sergeant/ E-6. I was so grateful to see him that I didn't even verbally congratulate him. I hope that he knew I was proud of him, and that he is far more competent that his rank belies. In my view he is easily an E-7 or an E-8. The encounter was a bit bitter; however, I fear that we are/have drifted far apart. It is hard to believe that it was a year ago that we were stationed together at Balad. I also felt guilt that I never completed the gift that I had envisioned for him. I will complete it soon. The meeting also stirred in me a grief that I may no longer be a warrior. Speaking of failures, I have never sent Eileen her flag that I had flown for her. I am not good at following through on plans. Perhaps Liz mailed it out as I requested... perhaps I only dreamed I asked her to.

The Return of Destiny, it was destined to be.

Well, The Knife of Destiny has returned from the desolate wastes of the forgotten abyss (it was behind the refrigerator). This was good news, and it made me happy. Last night I was troubled by bad dreams. I have been having dreams since I got here. They occur almost every night. They are mostly based on infidelity. Not the most fun thing to be troubled by. Oh well, what God wills shall be. I just hope that he wills that I don’t need to suffer that pain. Today I was told that I was going to be working nights, and to go back to leave work. About three hours later I was awoken and told that there was a misunderstanding, and that the night crew had been canceled. Just par for the course here.

Knife of Destiny?

Well, I lost another knife. This one was a CRKT m16-14ZSF. I am not sure why, but I was very attached to it. I only had it for a week, but I connected to it. Could it be that I am trying to make meaningful connections with objects to fill a loneliness? Probably. Regardless, it saddened me. I have lost two knives since I have been here, and I am not going to buy another... Maybe I will. If I do get one, will it provide the same connection? Would it be just a cheap fill-in? For whatever reason, I guess that I am not supposed to have one here. To paraphrase Mr. Cash "John, don't take your knife to town". Maybe that is the reason. Have I conveyed that this lose affected me more than it should have? It is hard to explain, but it fills like a small hole in me now. Way to attached to a piece of metal and composite. Sigh.

240 Volts of muscle shredding power!

Damn, 110 Volts is nothing. I got zapped by 240 last night, and my left bicep, tricep, and shoulder, are sore as hell. It made me angry. I was trying to vacuum my pod, and it blew a fuse in the transformer. I turned off the transformer, unscrewed the fuse, and... WHAMO!!! So today, my muscles are sore from the contraction. I tried to lift today, but only did a few sets. It feels like it is the tendons. Yesterday Ivan was laid to rest. He had become increasingly hostile, to the point of us worrying for Kade's safety. He will be missed, but it is for the best. Liz is taking it hard. She is stronger than me. Every time I thought of putting Ivan down, I would rationalize a reason not to do it. He had a good life. He was loved, fed, sheltered, and was part of a family. Sarg is getting long in years, and it will probably not be long before he passes on too. I am not sure if Kade will know, care, or notice that Ivan is not around, but I hope he doesn't. He seemed to like Ivan a lot. We all did. Fare thee well my pup. You will be missed.

Life at the Deid

I am now living at Al Udeid. Things are OK, but lonely. Today there is a great dust storm rolling in. Liz is having a hard time, and Kade seems to be devastated. I feel like a crappy father, but I am out of options. They need money, and I have to provide it somehow. We are hoping that we will save enough money to buy some land, out right, when I get back. Kade will thank me when he grows up, right? I mean, I am giving him what my father never gave me. I want him to always have a place where he can live if the crap hits the fan. Family land, ah what a dream! Maybe I will be able to drop off of the map.... I have recently found a treasure here. The good Lord always provides his bounty. I have also scoped out a new lair that I will move into soon. It is a 12x20 mechanical room. Believe me, this would be veritable a paradise compared to a 10x10 stinky room that you have to share with someone. Yes folks, that is 50 square feet of personal space. I am not sure that even qualifies as "free range beef". Moo baby, moo.

I'm back baby!!

Things have been crappy (read I have not been seeing the blessings in disguise). I have not been able to find a job since I returned from Iraq. The blessing is that I spend each day with Kade. He is awesome. Each day is an adventure. I am seriously considering moving to Maine, and living the way I have been drawn to. Liz is ok with it, and I think that it will be a wonderful life for Kade. Today Kade and I had our first hunting adventure. We went to the frozen lake and shot a few rounds through a pellet gun. I will post a few pictures soon. I am going to try and get a 365 day deployment, somewhere with a high per diem, and bank the extra to buy the Maine land out right. I am considering joining the Maine Air Guard. Ideally, it would be great to spend the spring through fall at the retreat in, then spend 4 months deployed to a base to the south. This would augment the money we will make from selling alpaca poop, or some other cash making en devour (it's a joke folks; the poop part anyway).

Hey Old Friend!

John?? wally.gillespie@yahoo.com or walter.gillespie@barksdale.af.mil