The Light is within sight!!!

Yes, I am in a better mood. Things have been getting better; well, I have been at least. It is mostly just a mindset that keeps people wallowing in their own shite. It may stink, and be uncomfortable, but hey, it's warm. That is why most people never just step out of their pool of filth. It may suck, but it is all mine! So, I had a change of mind. I do miss my compadre. This time here has made me grow, and become a better leader than I was, BUT, it was much better to have a wingman you trust, and can lean on. Wally’s replacement is another great NCO. I have been very fortunate. Once I leave here, I think that the turmoil is going to boil over for a while, but Randolph will handle it. On a sour note, I have stopped on the Pushup Quest. The new shift hours make it very hard to dedicate an hour or more per day to the goal of a 15000 shirt. I am certain that I have done at least 15000, but I have not recorded them, so I don’t feel right claiming them. Elk camp is coming up soon too!

More deep thoughts???

Well, I have hit a pretty deep low point. I have tried to make a solid team. We recently were required to merge with another team. This has not been too bad, but there is the usual slump. I am mostly struggling with feeling like I am not living up to what people/upper management expects from me. It is pretty disheartening. I really do try to do the best I can. It is getting harder to not get the “F*** its”. I have been writing more letters home by hand. There has to be a reason for this. Maybe I am attempting to feel a tangible piece of home. Maybe it is something completely different. It is difficult to keep moving forward day to day when you feel ineffectual. I am really in a shitty way. I just want to go home. I have tried to do what they want, but they never seem think I am good enough. At least, that is how I feel. Perhaps they are pleased with me, but just can’t let me know. I do have tomorrow off, so that should help. The shift adjustment has affected my sleep, and it is a fact that sleep directly affects my moods. So, here is to the long sleep day.